Week 8: Enter The Curl...WWSLJD- pt. 1

JN: Things are growing along their lovely merry way as far as Reginald's physical progress is concerned. I'm getting more shaggy by the day and loving every minute of it. While Reginald is not yet quite long enough for me to pull at the chin hairs the way I like during contemplation, I have noticed that I'm rubbing my cheeks with both hands in a downward motion a lot lately. It's like smoothing the sides down, and feels very nice when contemplating things as well. This week also brought with it the reappearance of a certain giant curl of hair in the lower left portion of my face. This is like seeing an old friend not quite forgotten. I used to hate that curl because it stuck out and was weird. Now, I'm enjoying all the little nuances and details of Reginald's emergence and continued growth. The inquiry and resulting investigation into his potential treasonous actions of last week have not yet concluded, but the damage to our personal relationship seems pretty well in place. Our lengthy discussions of the previous month have all but come to a grinding halt. Our conversation has been reduced largely to curt, short sentence interaction. I don't like feeling like the bad guy, but democracy could be at stake. I don't feel I have any choice but to play it safe. Should Reginald prove to be above board, I can only hope he'll have the serenity to forgive me.

An extended note from the desk of Jeff Newman:

Heh. Extend. But, anyway. As stated earlier this past week, Reginald's posts will not be published until such time that his status can be cleared as a security risk. In the meantime, it only seems fitting that we continue the tradition of wise beardly wisdom with a little segment asking the one question that I believe everyone should ask themselves when facing a difficult conundrum.

WHAT  WOULD SAMUEL L. JACKSON DO?

Samuel L. Jackson has long been a man both respected and revered by the Beard community. Further study into Beard culture (which only grows more fascinating by the day) shows him to be the gold standard by which most of the rest of humanity is compared to. In their estimation, no human can ever achieve the overwhelming wisdom and decency of the mighty Beard, but Samuel L. Jackson comes closer than almost any in recorded human history. Not necessarily because of his own facial hair, which is both diverse and magnanimous, but because he consistently displays the decisiveness, honor, strength, and character that Beards prize above all else. It only seems fitting that we remind Beards everywhere of our unending respect for their culture during this investigation into Reginald's potential criminal ties resulting from his actions this past Tuesday. Details will be available as soon as they develop.
To begin, it seems best that we pick the most direct and specific question possible:

WHAT IF THERE ARE MOTHER FUCKING SNAKES ON YOUR MOTHER FUCKING PLANE?

Let's look at some archival footage to see just what Samuel L. Jackson would do.

What are you sick of SLJ?

And what happened then? We all remember what happened then. He takes his gun and shoots out the windows thus creating a vacuum which sucks all the snakes out of the plane. Did he endanger the lives of everyone on the flight? You betcha! Did the snakes which were sucked out the windows most likely land on a heavily populated area below only to attack a whole group of unsuspecting bystanders? Oh, for sure! But that's not important. What is important is that when faced with potentially insurmountable odds, Samuel L. Jackson shows that decisive action must be taken. And as Sean Connery proved many years ago, shooting out the windows of an aircraft in mid flight can and will save the day. This solution can be applied to several other sticky situations that don't involve slithering airborne serpents. These include but are not limited to bad in flight movies, lousy in flight food, being stuck next to a crying child, or needing a diversion because you got caught in the lavatory joining the mile-high club.
By yourself.
Cough.
Okay, I feel I've strayed a bit from the topic. The mightyness of Samuel L. Jackson and his wicked-cool, constantly changing facial hair can not be denied. It's a scandal and an outrage that this very topic isn't covered in any public school that I'm aware of. Until it is, I will certainly do my part. And you can do yours by taking a few minutes every week to ask:

WHAT WOULD SAMUEL L. JACKSON DO?