JN: Reginald's progress continues! This is actually a beard. It's official. The itches have all but stopped, the zits are all but covered, and my chin and cheeks now have that soft comforting touch that I have been sorely missing all month. Last night, I went to a friend's apartment to watch that marvelous Mel Brooks masterpiece Blazing Saddles. When I walked in the door, he gave me a great big hug. The first words out of his mouth were, "Oh, look at you and your beard!" If this keeps up, Reginald will quickly achieve greater notoriety than even my own. If he hasn't already... 
From the desk of Jeff Newman:
So, this week I found myself perfectly stymied as to what I should write about. Then through divine inspiration or bad pizza or some kind of shit, it dawned on me that I could do a random twelve hour survey on one of, if not THE MOST ancient and puzzling questions in the history of mankind. Who is more badass: Batman or Superman? Now, this seemed to me a fantastic question. The two biggest badasses in the DC universe. Without them, the Justice League is just a handful of hapless nerds all trying to bang the same lesbian. Okay, plus a Martian dude. So I started asking everyone I could for about half a day. Those who asked me were politely told to define badass on their own, and answer the fucking question. By the way, for those of you dweebs out there rolling your eyes and thinking, this was already addressed in Frank Miller's Batman: A Dark Knight Falls, I know that. I'm not asking who would win in a fight because, who cares? I'm asking more from a philosophical standpoint of badassness. So that being said, I asked people I knew at work, friends here in Chicago, I asked people I knew in LA, Kansas City, St. Louis, I asked family in New York, and I even asked several customers at the sandwich shop I work at instead of actually working. Imagine my surprise when I couldn't find more than one lonely Superman supporter. Now, having a booming bias for Batman myself, I wasn't at all surprised that he won. What was shocking to me was the ridonkulous margin by which he took the blue ribbon. We're talking about the ninetieth percentile! So the real question became: Why is Batman so much more badass than Superman?
Of course we can't even begin this dialogue without acknowledging the success, magnitude, and all around awesomeness of the Dark Knight Trilogy. Yes, Batman's come a long way since George Clooney played ice hockey against Ahhnold the Governator and kicked Chris O'Donnell's ass all so he could make out with Uma Thurman. Wait, is that what that movie was about? Whatever. The point is, the franchise is no longer a flamboyant, pun-crazy, sad waste of time, and it owes Chris Nolan and company big time for that. But the badass doesn't stop there. In the last 20 years or so we have seen a monumental resurgence in animated series and films about comic book heroes. Among these, Batman has time and again received the lion's share of style, class, sophistication, and the kind of damn good storytelling that the core audience has come to expect. The Animated Series, especially in its early years remains easily a cut above the rest helped in no small part by the near perfect voice casting of Andrea Romano and simply superb music of Shirley Walker. Mask of the Phantasm, Gotham Knight, Under The Red Hood, and Batman: Year One are a few of the remarkable animated Batman films available each with its own storyline, director(s), animation design, and cast. It also wouldn't do my diligence justice if I neglected to mention the Arkham videos games, Asylum and City respectively. Each winner of a veritable shit-ton of awards including Best Game of the Year. 
Against this, Superman just hasn't been doing much worth mentioning. A handful of unremarkable video games, a handful of damn-near unwatchable animated films, and a series that didn't fare much better. Let's not forget that lovely box office gem Superman Returns, whose most memorable performance is a toss-up between Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey. (But who didn't see that coming?) The fact is Superman hasn't been done right since the 1978 film with Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman. The 1980 sequel is also quite badass- credit where credit's due. One could say Batman's had all the breaks, talent, and attention since the early 90's, but one must also judge the characters by their most basic definitions. Batman is human. Superman is a nearly invulnerable alien. The consistent theme of the Pro-Batman answers was that Batman has no powers except a massive obsession and just a hint of a death wish that keeps him tangling with super-humans and with the super villains that terrorize Gotham City. My favorite answer came from my old bonfire buddy, Chris McDaniel. "Batman's 'powers' are not his wealth or training. Those make his objectives possible. What sets him apart is his obsession. His paranoia. The fact that he is one step away from being locked up in Arkham himself...Take away all of Batman's money and gadgets. He'd still do what he's driven to do." I couldn't have put it better myself. (which is why I stole the quote) You can beat him, you can break him, but Batman will find a way to fight back and win the day. And all without any super-human powers. On the flip side, you have Superman who is SO powerful his feats just aren't as impressive. Not to mention the fact that since he IS faster than a speeding bullet, and he CAN leap tall buildings in a single bound, blah-blah-blah, the obstacles he has to face get more and more obnoxious and even borderline gratuitous. This is a turn-off for many. The reason the 1978 film was so successful is because it focused so much on Superman's attachment to humanity and simultaneous distance from them. That's a human story. One of love, trial, and sacrifice. That is some compelling shit! I can only hope we get back to these basics with the upcoming film Man of Steel which will be released June 14th. With director Zack Snyder at the helm, I have high hopes and every intention of seeing it. I'm gonna bring a bottle though. Since Kevin Costner's playing Jonathan Kent, I figure I can take a drink every time he goes near a baseball, makes a big speech to Clark, or shows his ass on screen. I may need two bottles. -JN From the desk of Reginald Buford Brimley:
There was much mumbling and grumbling this past week about the inauguration of the 44th president of the United States, Barack Obama. The speech he gave was quite stirring and inspiring, (for a man with no Beard) but I must say that what I found even more stirring and inspiring was the criticism President Obama received from American activist, Princeton professor, and chin whisker aficionado Cornel West. Dr. West took great issue with the fact that President Obama was sworn in using a Bible belonging to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Dr. West found it disrespectful and inappropriate for President Obama to use Martin Luther King Jr.'s Bible for his inauguration. His explanation for this was very well articulated (as is everything from his beautifully Bearded face) during a panel discussion hosted by Tavis Smiley and aired on CSPAN. Dr. Cornel West on Obama's Bible choice
This man's indignation could not be more righteous. The wisdom, maturity, and eloquence of Dr. West dwarfs that of any human specimen encountered by myself or any other Beard in recorded history. His frustration is completely understood as he seems beset on all sides by very loud, very foolish people (redundant though that adjective may be). His point seems to stem largely from the fact that this was a decision based on publicity and image for the inauguration, and that Dr. King's astounding effort and accomplishments throughout the 1960's were less akin to most social and political movements, and more akin to war. But unlike most wars there were no uniforms (unless you count skin color) and instead of guns, the clear oppressors fought with attack dogs, fire hoses, billy clubs, and lynch mobs. It was this war that inevitably killed Dr. King on April 4th, 1968 when he was shot in a motel in Memphis, Tennessee. This terrible war rages on even to this day. Be it in the form of housing, the prison industrial complex, or the basic daily discrimination people ignore on a daily basis, the human civil rights struggle is a vast, splintered, tangled mess that continues to plague the human race every day. Whether this is acknowledged, embraced, or ignored varies with the individual in question, but the bottom line of Dr. Cornel West's righteous indignation can be summed up by something Mr. Newman said before hurling an empty rum bottle into the drizzling cold night air: You haven't earned what he earned. As it has always been the tradition of great social warriors like Martin Luther King Jr, Frederick Douglass, William Lloyd Garrison, Cesar Chavez, Malcolm X, Alice Paul, Harvey Milk, and a great many others to challenge the established order and fight for a more equal status quo, so too has Cornel West continued to be, for lack of a better term- unsatisfied. 
There often seems to be an attitude coming out of Washington that President Obama is doing enough by simply being black, and that those who like Dr. West, continue to be unsatisfied should consider his election at worst a dodged bullet and at least a decent enough victory. That they should try to rejoice and above all relax. Dr. Cornel West says no. He believes this president is not doing enough. He believes this country can always do better. And he seems to feel an imperative to continue to remind us all of it. Were I in his shoes, or more aptly on his face- I have to believe I'd feel much the same way. -RBB 
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